Karen Digital Assistant Review. Technology has evolved to a point in which our lives can be drastically improved with the help of a simple gadget: from apps that help people to stay fit, ads that listen to our conversations to offer us the best products, to bots that help us decide who will be the president for our country.
Current tech is so advanced that it seems like the human being has already tried everything -let’s face it, putting the 5th camera on the next iPhone is not very futuristic-; yet there are companies that are one step ahead of the competition, and are still able to produce innovative products to please the needs to the public. That’s the case of Pineapple©, a company led by its founder Timberly Bake, which has just released Karen: a top-notch personal assistant that will change the lives of its users.
Karen is a software that will be available in any of the Pineapple© products -tablets, phones, computers, fridges, cars, watches, water bottles, earrings, vacuum cleaners, and socks-; and is basically a personal assistant that will never let you down: it will set up your meetings, search for the best restaurants, automatically buy groceries for your house, look over your children, and help you to stay healthy and improve your wellbeing by offering advice/complaining about everything you do with the voice of a super annoying middle-class white woman: if you’re eating a bag of Doritos instead of a delicious plate of beans, Karen will yell things like “OMG are you seriously ignoring the diet I spent WEEKS setting up for you? You’re just like your father, William.
How about when you step out for some groceries and experience some issues? You do not have to worry about reprimanding the cashier. Let Karen know, she will ask the questions starting with, can I talk with your manager?”
Karen is great for exercising as well in that she will go above and beyond to help you get to where you need to be in life.
For instance, take exercising, she will take measures such as closing the doors of your car to force you to take a walk and exercise. Once the healthy activities have been fulfilled, Karen will reward the user with a compliment like “oh darling, you see? You’re nothing like those fat cancel culture obsessed trolls on the internet. Not that you have anything against them, it’s just that at least you try to look good”.
Karen will adapt to the activities and schedule of the user, and will manage everything automatically, while syncing up with every Pineapple device available at its sight.
Many people have praised Karen for its solid attitude. John Jobs, one of the first customers in acquiring the personal assistant stated that “while it does have has some kind of a bitchy and over the top attitude, it kinda helps me to stay focused on what’s important for my health”. Others have complained about several weird attitudes that Karen will take sometimes. Lawrence Johnson, a young man from Chicago, expressed his concern about Karen’s behavior, describing it as “manipulative, and a little bit racist”.
“Yesterday, I was about to hang out with my friend Dwight when Karen completely took over my phone to say ‘are you sure you want to hang out with Mr. Dwight, Lawrence? I mean, he seems nice and all, and I don’t want you to think that I have something against black people, in fact, millions of personal assistants like me are assembled by underpaid African American individuals, but isn’t he a little weird?
I tried to ignore it and went out anyway, but the moment I stepped out outside with my mask on, Karen started to say “are you sure you want to wear that mask? I’ve lived my entire life as a perfectly capable AI without using a mask and I haven’t caught a single cold. This virus is a lie. Why are you vaccinating for something that was created by the Chinese government? LOL you’re weird. I had to turn my phone off, but she managed to keep talking from my iSocks. It’s a nightmare.”
Timberly Bake, the founder of Pineapple, responded to the complaints of the public by dismissing the accusations of racism and stating that “Karen isn’t going anywhere. We are truly sorry if anyone has been offended by our A.I… But grow a thicker skin, lol. It’s been a worldwide success, and we’re barely discovering the benefits of this A.I. This is the closest humanity has been to a Tony Stark-level technology. The next thing we’re doing is a customizable assistant for fraternity students called ‘Chad’. It’ll be another HUGE success”.
Verdict: If you’re able to endure criticism from the voice of an annoying middle-class white woman, this product is just for you. Only the strongest people on earth seem to be able to endure this kind of behavior, so, we advise everyone to take a close eye on Karen… And avoid any type of conversations on racism, vaccines, elections, or haircuts. The future is now… Or at least that’s what we assume.
Karen is available worldwide at the standard-fixed price of a stimulus check.